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Open Question: Writing new story ,, could use some feedback?
So, I love to write, and I used to write a lot of stories, but now there is just one story I am writing. I need some feedback because it is long but I don't want it to be bad and i continue it so before I get to into the story I need some help from you guys. So I will post the first chapter . Negative feedback is accepted all the same but please don't be too harsh I know I am bad at writing but I hate getting negative things towards my writing. OK, enough babbling, here it is . A Summer Can Make A Memory Chapter 1 Walking to school on the first day of school can make a parent emotional. Right? How about the first summer for a child? Yeah, parents get emotional. But how emotional is it when they watch their kids go from babies, to playful young toddlers, to kids, to teenagers. We may not understand it but it is very emotional for parents to go through that. This summer made my parents very emotional. Especially since it would be the last summer I would spend with them for two years. You see, my parents are famous writers. They didn't have all of those emotional turns like most parents. Because they missed a lot of things. In order for them to have their dreams, they had to miss me and my older brother growing up. Like how parents usually anticipate when their child will say their first word. And they hope it has something to do with them. Yeah, my parents didn't. When me and my older brother said our first words, my parents were at a book signing. And how parents just can't wait to see their child's first steps, my first steps were caught by our maid. As were my first words. My brother was the exact same way. Oh, and that “first day” emotional toll normal parents go on. My parents didn't. On my first day, my brother was the one to take a picture of it. And he had to go to school to. First summer of mine, my parents were in Oregon making a speech about every little detail of their new book. I love my parents, and my brother does to, but they missed a lot in our life, due to their writing careers. They are going on a business trip for two years in a week, as I mentioned before. Their first emotional toll. The only reason its emotional, is the fact that my older brother will be going into junior year and I will be going into freshman year while they are gone. So, yet again, my parents will miss me changing from school to school. Oh, wait a minute, you do not know anything about my brother or I. Well, I am Sabrina Andrews. My brother is Brock Andrews. And we have spent the majority of our life alone, teaching ourselves and taking care of each other. The maid was only here to capture all of the moments my mom and dad couldn't. “Brina!” I heard Brock call out. “Yeah Brocky?” “Phone call!” “Who is it?” “It's Jeremy!” Now I was happy. Jeremy has been my best friend since we were literally in diapers. His parents are writers just like mine. Jeremy is my only friend actually. I mean, don't get me wrong I have friends, but Jeremy is my only true friend. The only one I can trust. The only one I can count on. I ran downstairs and snatched the phone from Brock. I ran upstairs and laid down on my bed, where I decided I would rest until Jeremy decided what we were going to do today. Since, he usually made the plans. “Hey Jear bear” I said laying my head on the pillow me and Jeremy wrote on two summers ago. “Hey Brina” “So what crazy thing are we going to do today?” “I don't know, maybe go swimming in the neighbors pool.” “Cool. But why couldn't you come over to tell me?” “Look out of your window” He said and right as I looked out of the window I saw Jeremy sitting on the branch of the tree we used to climb when we were little. I unlatched the window and let him fall inside and stumble upon some shoes before fully standing up. “Why didn't you call my cell?” He shrugged. “Didn't wanna?” I laughed. “Okay pretty boy let me just grab my suit and we can get going.” I grabbed my pink and brown bikini and ran into the bathroom, where I threw it on and put my hair in a ponytail. I walked outside to see he was gone. He did this when we were little to, but I don't remember the spots he hid in. Then I heard “Boo!” In my ear and knew he was the one who had jumped on my back. “Go horsey go!” He said as if he were 4 or 5. I giggled as I began running down the steps and carrying him piggy back along the way. When we got next door, I threw him into the bush and ran into the neighbors backyard. He was chasing me full speed, so I did what I always did, I jumped into the pool. It felt nice to feel the coolness of the water hit my hot cheeks. Spiraling under water, I compared myself to a bolt of lighting. The water stinging my pale skin as in lighting. I went to the surface, only to see Jeremy holding the neigh

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